When we were returning to the States, everyone wanted to know where we would live. When I replied that we were considering living with my in-laws, most often the response I received was "Don't do it!" No length of explaining or persuasion could convince them of why this might work in our situation.
Now that we've been living with them for 9+ months, the most common question I get is "so...you live with your IN-LAWS. How's THAT going?"
The truth is, in the spectrum of absolutely terrible to perfect, we would be very high on the "great" end. Not to say that we don't have conflicts, and we do, but my in-laws, and my relationship with my mother-in-law in particular, are so amazing that people find it hard to believe.
One of the things I value most about her is her ability to bring up difficult topics and her humble attitude about the issue. This is an area I can definitely learn from, as I tend to like to sweep things under the rug and move on. Her direct honesty and tenacity, combined with her humble love, is what makes our situation so doable.
To make sure we keep talking about things, she "insists" on having family meetings once a month to talk about issues we're having. These might be good things or rough things, but as you can imagine, at least once a month there is usually at least one conflict that needs working out. After one rougher discussion, the following day she mentioned she needed some affirmation, and felt I did too. She proceeded to email me a several pages long list of all the things she admires about me. I was humbled and affirmed. It was wonderful, and went light years towards restoring hurt feelings from the previous conflict.
I can definitely learn from this woman.
I wish every wife could have a mother-in-law like I do.
In the spirit of communicating to the world just how amazing she is, I've decided to post my list here. This is just a small picture of her amazing qualities, and I am honored to be her daughter(in-law).
Diana
Generous: shares her food, her clothes, her belongings with me and my family. Allows us to live in her house, in her space, use her truck, for months without need for compensation.
Sacrificial: eagerly gives up her space, even her bed, for us so we can be more conveniently near the children.
Intelligent: knows her Bible, finished her masters (with good marks!), able to network at various levels.
Brave: gave up her corporate job to pursue ministry, even for years without much compensation.
Tenacious: works hard no matter what.
Faithful: clings to the promises God gives her.
Humble: always willing to listen to the other side, always willing to accept that she might be wrong.
Verbal: able to talk things out, able to voice her needs, even if I don't want to hear it.
Forgiving: easily forgives her loved ones for harms against her, broken candy dishes, loud children, crack in back bumper.
Protective: will go to bat for any of her children (including me, the in-law!).
Accepting: has accepted me fully as her child, welcomed me into the family with open arms, invested time, energy, love, strength, patience, the list goes on, into my life. Cares about ME, not just my husband.
Patient: doesn't get upset by laundry left in the living room, toys scattered across the floor, breakfast dishes left on the counter, ect.
Respectful: respects the way i raise my children, affirms me as a good mother, does not undermine my authority, allows my husband and I to work out differences privately.
Follows through: even when I would like to brush something under the rug, she follows through to make sure an issue is worked through and even follows up with affirmation.
Honest: will always tell you the truth, even when it hurts, in a loving way. Does not manipulate facts to serve her own purposes.
Servant hearted: seeks to serve more than receive, will go out of her way to make our lives easier.
Forward Thinking: before we moved in, she asked for advice from friends who lived in similar situations and set into action procedures to make our living situation smoother. Created a family calendar, cleaned her belongings out of "our" space, set up family meetings once a month to discuss issues.
Loving: won't let small things get in the way of her relationship with her children. Fluently speaks every love language, quickly and easily gives a hug, a kind word, a listening ear, a special present when you're down, an act of service.
I love you Mom! Thank you for loving me as one of your own.
Now that we've been living with them for 9+ months, the most common question I get is "so...you live with your IN-LAWS. How's THAT going?"
The truth is, in the spectrum of absolutely terrible to perfect, we would be very high on the "great" end. Not to say that we don't have conflicts, and we do, but my in-laws, and my relationship with my mother-in-law in particular, are so amazing that people find it hard to believe.
One of the things I value most about her is her ability to bring up difficult topics and her humble attitude about the issue. This is an area I can definitely learn from, as I tend to like to sweep things under the rug and move on. Her direct honesty and tenacity, combined with her humble love, is what makes our situation so doable.
To make sure we keep talking about things, she "insists" on having family meetings once a month to talk about issues we're having. These might be good things or rough things, but as you can imagine, at least once a month there is usually at least one conflict that needs working out. After one rougher discussion, the following day she mentioned she needed some affirmation, and felt I did too. She proceeded to email me a several pages long list of all the things she admires about me. I was humbled and affirmed. It was wonderful, and went light years towards restoring hurt feelings from the previous conflict.
I can definitely learn from this woman.
I wish every wife could have a mother-in-law like I do.
In the spirit of communicating to the world just how amazing she is, I've decided to post my list here. This is just a small picture of her amazing qualities, and I am honored to be her daughter(in-law).
Diana
Generous: shares her food, her clothes, her belongings with me and my family. Allows us to live in her house, in her space, use her truck, for months without need for compensation.
Sacrificial: eagerly gives up her space, even her bed, for us so we can be more conveniently near the children.
Intelligent: knows her Bible, finished her masters (with good marks!), able to network at various levels.
Brave: gave up her corporate job to pursue ministry, even for years without much compensation.
Tenacious: works hard no matter what.
Faithful: clings to the promises God gives her.
Humble: always willing to listen to the other side, always willing to accept that she might be wrong.
Verbal: able to talk things out, able to voice her needs, even if I don't want to hear it.
Forgiving: easily forgives her loved ones for harms against her, broken candy dishes, loud children, crack in back bumper.
Protective: will go to bat for any of her children (including me, the in-law!).
Accepting: has accepted me fully as her child, welcomed me into the family with open arms, invested time, energy, love, strength, patience, the list goes on, into my life. Cares about ME, not just my husband.
Patient: doesn't get upset by laundry left in the living room, toys scattered across the floor, breakfast dishes left on the counter, ect.
Respectful: respects the way i raise my children, affirms me as a good mother, does not undermine my authority, allows my husband and I to work out differences privately.
Follows through: even when I would like to brush something under the rug, she follows through to make sure an issue is worked through and even follows up with affirmation.
Honest: will always tell you the truth, even when it hurts, in a loving way. Does not manipulate facts to serve her own purposes.
Servant hearted: seeks to serve more than receive, will go out of her way to make our lives easier.
Forward Thinking: before we moved in, she asked for advice from friends who lived in similar situations and set into action procedures to make our living situation smoother. Created a family calendar, cleaned her belongings out of "our" space, set up family meetings once a month to discuss issues.
Loving: won't let small things get in the way of her relationship with her children. Fluently speaks every love language, quickly and easily gives a hug, a kind word, a listening ear, a special present when you're down, an act of service.
I love you Mom! Thank you for loving me as one of your own.
2 comments:
Well said. :)
The day you married my son you said, "You are my Naomi and I am your Ruth." I never felt that truth more than today. I'm honored to have you as our daughter. Love you!
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