Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Still grieving

Tonight I held my little girl as she sobbed about missing China. 

Her transition to life here has been amazingly easy.  She hardly asked about China, and soaked up the attention from relatives.  She thrived on the new environment and abundance of toys.  Things were going so easily, I had assumed we would skip over the grieving phase.

I was surprised then when the past couple weeks she became increasingly concerned about how she can't remember life there.  She frequently asks me questions and gets a sad look on her face when the memories don't come back easily.  A week ago she asked for the first time when we would be headed back.  She was distressed when I explained it would still be a long long time, but quickly went on with her play.

It might have been the vaccines she received today, or the two times in the pool with no quiet time, or any other number of triggers from a long, though happy, day.  But whatever caused it, tonight the floodgates spilled over and she cried in my arms about how desperately she wanted to go back to China.  How do you explain the concept of a "year" to a four year old?  How do you assure her you will go back when you don't even know for sure yourself?

Even though she was already in bed and was supposed to be sleeping, I pulled out my tablet and we looked at pictures of our apartment and people in China.  I had wanted to put together a small photo album of her friends before we left, but in the crush of time it just didn't happen.  It will now move up on the priorities list.

I have such peace that we are where we are supposed to be right now.  It sure can be hard though.

Monday, June 16, 2014


Blogging has always been a good way for me to process things.

It seems like, then, keeping up my blog would have been a great thing for me to do during our transition to America.

And it would have been.

But everytime I would sit down to write, all of the emotions and stress and exhaustion would rise to the surface and I would be overwhelmed.  Completely blocked from writing.  Unable to process.

And so I would shut the computer, get up, and pack one more box.  Make one more list.  Dial one more phone call.  Anything to keep moving towards the unavoidable June 12th date.

It's now June 16th.  We're here.  We've had four days to unpack, rest, eat, and try to sleep.  Am I any less emotional, stressed, or exhausted?  Not much.  But getting there.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

He's Two!

I can't believe it but my baby is officially two.  It's been so fun to watch him transform over the past few months from baby to true toddler.  He cracks me up daily and I love him to pieces.  We are so blessed by his presence in our lives.

At his Birthday Dinner:
From Matthew's Birthday

From Matthew's Birthday

From Matthew's Birthday

From Matthew's Birthday

From Matthew's Birthday

And his Birthday Party:

From Matthew's Birthday

From Matthew's Birthday

From Matthew's Birthday

These boys are so cute.  Which one's mine?
From Matthew's Birthday

From Matthew's Birthday

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Philippines, Take 2

4 years ago nearly exactly, I was pregnant with Lizbeth and we went to the Philippines. Our friends were setting up another trip this year, so we decided to jump on board.

Although it was a VERY different trip with two kids along, we still managed to have a good time soaking up some sun and clean air before heading back to our cold polluted city.  Actually, it snowed two days after we got back, our first snow of the year!  What a shock to our bodies :-)

We traveled down with friends, this little boy is about Lizbeth's age.  They were going to a different part of the Philippines.

On the boat to the island resort we would spend one night at. We had just been traveling through the night, poor baby.

Our rooms were made up with creatively folded towels and fresh flowers.

I am incapable of packing light. I had 10 times too many clothes for Lizbeth, especially since we spent most of the trip in our swim suits. In nine days she wore a total of 3 dresses and 1 skirt and shirt.

Soaking up the sun!

Shopping in the market.

Cute kids.

Lizbeth picked this dress up and paid for it with the small amount of money we gave her. She wore it as much as possible the rest of the trip.

Shots around town, near the pier.

On the boat.

We were all more than a little tired by the end of the trip!  Nathan slept 16 hours when we got back, went down for a nap at 3:00 PM and didn't get up until the next morning! :-)